If you haven’t read Mike ‘N Mo, check it out HERE! Our cast of characters is showcased below.
Mo has risen through the ranks of the Cardinals’ front office, from peacemaker to Assistant General Manager to General Manager and, finally, President of Baseball Operations in our Mike ‘N Mo world. He’s a true success story with humble beginnings. One day, as the real-world John Mozeliak returned home from one of his many late night front office strategy sessions, the then-GM casually removed and discarded the bow tie he wore to work that evening.
Landing recklessly, that bow tie fell behind the vanity and came to rest on the floor, in the dark, hidden space between furniture and wall. There, packed full of Mozeliak’s powerful bacteria and DNA, that bow tie gradually grew to humanoid form, snuck out of Mozeliak’s bedroom, and into the virtual world of Mike ‘N Mo. Imbued with the operational savvy and roster management skills of the source of his genetic material, Mo now uses his powers for good in a never ending pursuit of championships.
The origins of Mike are largely a mystery. Some consider him an astral projection, a physical manifestation of the real-world Mike Matheny’s masculine manliness. Others believe him to be a zombie created in Mo’s laboratory deep in the bowels of Busch Stadium. But all agree that he entered the world of Mike ‘N Mo with zero past and little to no experience to draw on, a blank slate of sorts, utterly devoid of the naturally developed managerial skills others have become so hampered by in their tenure as MLB managers.
Whatever he is, and wherever he came from, he leads the St. Louis Cardinals of Mike ‘N Mo into battle against other teams in a daily struggle for relevancy. All agree that what he lacks in managerial resume, he more than makes up for as a Leader of Men.
G.I.R.S.C.H.-bot is a modern marvel of sabermetric magic. Assembled by the St. Louis Cardinals’ little seen Data Squad, G.I.R.S.C.H.-bot (sometimes called “Michael” or “Mike” due to the Cardinals’ clear affinity for that name) serves Mo as his right-hand “man.” He keeps watch over the clubhouse, the media, and the Cardinals’ roster whenever Mo is busy elsewhere.
G.I.R.S.C.H., an acronym that stands for Generally Intelligent Robotic Stand-in for Cardinals Hierarchy, can fill in for front office executives with little to no actual accountability, giving interviews, negotiating low-impact trades, and providing data and opinions all while fetching coffee and doughnuts for the real powerbrokers in the Cardinals’ executive offices.
The Moon Man materialized out of nothingness, coalescing in the night air above St. Louis, forming out of the homespun wit and wisdom known as Shannon-isms drifting along the airwaves, the unofficial radio-speak of the real-world Mike Shannon. Moon Man calls it like it is and never hesitates to hold the Cardinals of Mike ‘N Mo accountable.
When they’re lollygaggin’, he calls them out. When they are underperforming, he kicks them in the ass. And when they play sloppy baseball night in and night out, slipping from the gold standard of Redbird hardball established over generations…he takes a drink. He’s the unapologetic voice of the fan in our Mike ‘N Mo world.
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